Feb 11 2009
Helpful people I want at my wedding and…dealing with grief?
I was thinking yesterday about how a small budget for a wedding has it’s blessings. The main one I could think of was that so many people have offered to help me with things. From food, to music, to flowers, to photography…just about everything you can think of that has to do with a wedding, at least one person I know has offered to help with it. The best ones are the ladies who either have just planned their own wedding or have planned their child’s wedding recently…or the great ladies at my church who have not planned a wedding yet for their own child, but have been dying for the chance to help someone with theirs.
My problem arises when I realize that many of the people who have offered to help with some aspect of the wedding are also people that I want to be able to sit back and enjoy the day when it comes, celebrating with me and Adam, not worrying about whether or not the food is prepared correctly or if the candles for the center pieces are lit. How do I deal with this? I don’t have the money to hire people to take care of all this. And I know that some of the people who have offered to help would be no less than offended if I didn’t take them up on their offer.
So that is my dilemma, and probably one many brides-to-be face. I will let you know if I come up with a solution.
On another note, I have begun reading the book “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis. What does that have to do with marriage and a wedding? you may be asking. Well, it has nothing to do with a wedding, but everything to do with marriage. My brother told me when I got engaged that if ever there was a book that would convince me not to get married, this would be it. The jist of the book is that C.S. Lewis’ wife died, and the book is basically his journal through a period of grief and doubting God. I suppose that my brother’s point is that if I get married and allow myself to fall deeper and deeper in love with this man every day, I take the risk that my grief will be that much deeper if something happens to him.
I doubt that the book will dissuade me from getting married…however, so far I’ve decided that I want to go into this marriage with my eyes as wide open as they can be about what it will be like. And I guess that includes what it will be like if he dies. Strangely enough, just last night a friend of mine was saying that when she was engaged, she went through a period of time when she was always afraid that her fiance was going to die. She would think about it and worry about him all the time, because she thought probably God was going to take him away to help her learn a lesson or something. I hope that by reading this book I don’t start thinking like that. Although I have already begun wondering what I would do if he died…or what he would do if I died. I’m almost more scared about that…that I will die and leave him alone. I shouldn’t be…God will take care of him no matter what, but still…it’s an unsettling thought. Maybe partly because he would probably end up with someone else, and I don’t like to picture him with another woman.
Well, I will also let you know how reading this book turns out, and what my thoughts are on whether or not all engaged couples should read it. My prediction is…only if you are already having doubts about marriage. But we’ll see!
